trapeze-act's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - The 15th was our 4 year anniversary. I woke up and you asked me to go to the store. I said it's 7:30 am and the baby is about to wake up (you just had reconstructive knee surgery, you can't take care of the baby right now). You got mad. Said you'd go to the store yourself since I'm too selfish and would rather sleep. I said that's not it, I just know the baby will wake up soon and you can't take care of her right now, can it wait? No. It can't, apparently. So four days after reconstructive knee surgery you hop in the car and drive away. I stand in front of the door and ask you to think logically, that you driving right now is unsafe. Then you got in my face. Yelled to get the fuck out of the way. That I can't "kidnap" you or keep you hostage. I said I'm not trying to do that I'm thinking of your safety - you haven't been cleared by a doctor to drive. Please lay down and I'll go to the store. You said no. Then you grabbed me and threw me in an arm lock, pinning me to the door twisting harder and harder. Yelling this is what I get since I didn't move, that I have no right to tell you that you can't drive. That your'e a grown man and don't need me to help you. That I have no right to stand in your way. I moved from the door. Bawling. You leave. I'm shaking. I'm in the kitchen, can't see through the fog of my glasses anymore. You come back and act like nothing happened, handing me a soda. I leave. You ask why I'm crying. I tell you not to put your hands on me and that I'm looking out for you and you said it's not my right to tell you not drive. That I have no business standing in your way. Even though you just had reconstructive knee surgery and need my help to shit. I told you I'm looking out for you because I love you, that I'm not trying to be mean or restrictive You said it's my fault. That if you're that bad to just call the cops or shut up. I'm still crying. I said that you were wrong for what you did. You said I should have moved. I said no worries, I won't stand in your way anymore. And now you yell, "Oh, now you want to leave me?" I said, 'No, I just won't stand in your way anymore' We never resolved this. You yelled at me for ruining our anniversary even though you didn't even remember. I asked you if you knew what day it was and you said, 'why, so you can make fun of me?' I said no, I just find it funny this happened on our anniversary -that I was just trying to help. You said I'm a bitch and I'm just going to be mad at you, ruining what could've been a nice day. It's been almost 10 days since that happened and I can't look at you the same. I'm scared to disagree. If I explain this to you you'll laugh at me, say I'm overreacting..that you didn't hit me..just moved me. He just moved me. Things haven't been the same since. Now you're making fun of me for not being affectionate with you. But I can't bring myself to hug or kiss you, to suck your dick or anything you want me to do. But if I don't start soon, I know you'll get angry. You'll yell. Why am I such a bitch - why don't I love you - why am I selfish. I don't know what to do. 6:00 PM - May 23, 2016 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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