trapeze-act's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - J and I have been having a really difficult time lately. He's emotionally unavailable and really rude and mean to me. He condescends me a lot and won't flat out call me names but he's really passive. He'll just say stupid shit all the time to me and think it's okay. He's an ass. Tonight he shaved most of his hair leaving the top part to be cut down. He needed my help to finish the rest. I was cutting it down and then I started trimming it with the razor to make it all even. I slipped and shaved a huge chunk off the front so he'd have to shave his whole head to fix it. He freaked and threw the razor against the wall and was like, 'wow, didn't think you could possible mess that up' so I said "fuck you" and he repeated himself so I repeated myself and said 'FUCK YOU'. There's a lot more to this. We've been really having a hard time getting a long for awhile now. He's just such a mean fucking person and is always a jerk to me, any time I do something that isn't HIS way. This has been going on for 3 years now and I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to work it out so we can be a family and I can personally be there for my LO and not have to work all the time. I can't keep staying in this situation though, knowing I can't love a person who treats me like crap day in and day. I'm at a total loss. I never thought that I would be a single mom. I don't know how I'm going to make it work, or if J and I can make it work anymore. I just can't keep doing this. It's been the same thing day after day, "Please treat me with respect" "please stop talking down to me" "please listen" and on and on. Nothing has changed. I think I actually have to leave for him to understand that I am fed up with the way things are. I don't know if I can do this on my own, but I think I'm leaving tomorrow. I should add since the incident earlier today he hasn't said a word. When I said 'I'm leaving you, we're through' he goes "what? what did I say that was so bad to you?" and I'm like "fucking really?" and he hasn't said a word since, just keeps storming by slamming doors and shit. I think he's waiting for me to get offline but that won't happen for awhile. 10:35 PM - July 01, 2011 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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